my mother's lesbian cousin died

My mother forwarded the online obituary for her lesbian cousin. (second cousin actually, but in my mom's large extended Irish Catholic family no one thought about that - you were just a cousin.) I was pleased to see that her partner of 27 years, who died a few years ago, was mentioned, although she was listed after the "family" members.

Lynne, the cousin, had a few interesting episodes in my parents' and my life. She dated my dad for a while. Yes, you read that right, before my dad married my mom he had dated her lesbian cousin. Their dates often consisted on one-on-one basketball on Saturday nights, and she would often defeat my father. Her obituary mentioned her athletic skills in basketball and softball, and she played when girls were limited to the old "girls rules" which was a much slower, less aggressive game from what I have heard.

Then when my sister was getting married for the first time, I was looking through the invitations as they were about to be mailed and came across Lynne's invitation, which also included her partner's name. It finally clicked in my brain, but I acted as if I didn't know what was going on and asked my mom who the second name on the invitation was. She said "That's her friend." FRIEND??? That seems to have been my mother's family's way of dealing with their gay and lesbian relatives, a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" where gay family members and their partners are always welcome, but it was never discussed. Luckily they are beyond that now, because I'm not staying silent about being gay.

The third and funniest interaction that I had with Lynne actually happened as my grandmother was dying at the hospital where Lynne worked as a radiation oncology technician. Lynne told me and David stories about other gay and lesbian family members. The funniest was about my grandmother's older cousin Joe, who had left the town where I grew up and moved to New York for a few years, then came home. He preferred younger men and had a series of boyfriends who were always welcome at family gatherings. I can imagine that he wasn't a predator but someone who took in younger guys who may have been thrown out of their homes if their parents found out that they were gay. Apparently several showed up at this funeral according to my mother, so they must have cared for him in some way. Anyway, not only did he like younger men, but he was very Catholic (I have no idea why he stuck with the church that I abandoned as a teen), and he had the reputation of having the largest penis of any gay man in the town (too bad I didn't inherit those genes). So putting a preference for younger men, Catholic, and a very large penis together, someone gave him a nickname that stuck with him the rest of his life - Mother Superior. David and I were dying laughing as Lynne told us all of this, as my grandmother was dying upstairs. I guess laughter among the tears.