Tuesday, June 7, 2011
who will my son marry?
On Sunday I took my son Leo to his school to play on the playground. During school the playground is separated by grade - the kindergartners have a separate playground, one for first and second graders, and one for 3rd through 6th graders. Since Leo is at the end of second grade (two more days left), he has wanted to play on the "big kids" playground since he was a kindergartner. As we were walking up, he made some negative remark about girls. I told him that he would change in mind about girls and would most likely marry one. He immediately said no, that he was going to marry a boy. I smiled to myself, thinking that he was imitating his own family. And chances are he is heterosexual and will marry a woman. When I mentioned this to my husband David, he said that I shouldn't dismiss Leo's statement so quickly. David said that at Leo's age, 7, that David knew that he was interested in other boys, but without role models in either his life or the media he didn't have an understanding or vocabulary to express it. I guess that is possible, but nothing about Leo has set off my "gaydar." I am curious though - of the people who read this who are gay or lesbian, did you know at age 7 that you were attracted to people of the same sex?
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By age 7 I was playing "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" games with friends of both sexes (well, one girl I remember, but lots of boys). But looking back, I think I was far more interested in the boys. This continued on, and I remember a sleepover where I had the cot and my friend got my bed. He also borrowed some pyjamas. The next morning I tried to get him out of bed - but he fought me pulling back the covers. Later on, my mom told me he wet the bed and had hidden the PJs behind it. I was disappointed I hadn't tried harder to get the covers off. This was 3rd grade, so 9 years old, or nearly so. By 6th grade, I knew I'd much rather "play" with boys than girls, and though I didn't have words for it until the following year (at church camp no less), I knew I preferred boys. So I guess it is possible that someone can "know" at that age, or at least guess - even lacking the vocabulary, but I think your assessment is closer to the truth at this point. Oh, and 7 year olds are stealth on the gaydar! They're just too cute to bounce the waves back! LOL
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
(Oh, and this answered the question from my last comment - Leo is alive and well, and surely chomping at the bit for summer freedom! Our poor kids are in until June 17th.)
The earliest memory I have of any kind of attraction to a boy was 5th grade. I was about ten and a half at the time. We had a long field trip and the boy I was sitting next to in the car put his head on my shoulder. The contact made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
ReplyDeleteI think the answer to question about awareness is...it varies. Some guys know at a very early age. Some guys don't realize it until much later in life.
Prior to puberty, I wouldn't make any assumptions from anything he says or does.
Thanks guys. I still think Leo will be straight, but who knows? Or really cares.
ReplyDeleteSo Jay, what happened at church camp? And would you share the story about finding a dead body while you were a paper delivery person? (you mentioned it on another blog.)
Like you say, who knows - or cares - the main thing is Leo is getting raised by two loving parents. That means so much more than what gender the parents are.
ReplyDeleteAs to church camp, we actually had SEX ED! They separated the boys and girls and went over everything, complete with proper vocabulary...other than that, nothing happened other than listening to a lot of guys having fun with themselves for the first time! The parade to the bathroom, which was right beside my bunk, was almost humorous for those who hadn't also figured out to keep something handy for cleanup.
I'm blogging the discovery of the body...
Peace <3
Jay
Check my blog...jayinva.blogspot.com.
ReplyDeleteJay
saturday, june 18, 2011
ReplyDeletebirch... happy fathers day....
dude i hope you are well..
~ cheers....
I was twelve when I realized I was attracted to my own gender but in retrospect, at 5 I preferred to play house with the boy next door.
ReplyDelete