my son put WHAT is our refrigerator?

Hi everyone. Sorry that I've been gone for so long. Last weekend Leo went to a carnival with a kid from the neighborhood and the kid's older sister. He came back with two goldfish that he had won by tossing a ball into a bowl or hoop. Instant pets - how wonderful. But I really shouldn't complain - as a kid I did the same thing and brought home a hamster and a cat - not at the same time of course. So Christopher goes out and buys an aquarium with all the equipment, only to have the fish die within a day - one within a few hours. So now we have an empty fish tank, soon to have new fish. But I was looking around the refrigerator last night and you can probably guess what I found. Two dead goldfish in a plastic bag. When I asked why the dead fish were in the refrigerator, I was told that Leo wants to bury them, just not yet. If I don't remind him we will have dead fish in there for weeks. I really didn't realize that fatherhood would lead to so many weird situations. The three of us went on vacation over spring break to visit my parents in Georgia. It went fairly well - no major family drama. My dad didn't have a meltdown. The first day that we were there Christopher bought a wireless router for my parents' computer, so he was able to get online in my bedroom if my family was getting to him. I bet that he had some interesting Facebook posts during that time. I even restrained myself when my sister bought breakfast biscuits for everyone from Chick-fil-A. I asked if she was aware how anti-gay the company was and she responded that she didn't care, she liked the food. I wanted to say "If I supported a company that was actively working to take your daughter away from you would you be fine with that?" but I resisted the temptation.

Christopher's third novel has been accepted for publication

We received good news yesterday. Christopher's third novel was accepted for publication! I'm really proud of him. It will be titled "Second Chances" unless the title is changed during the editing process. It will be published by Dreamspinner Press, which mostly does electronic publishing but does paperbacks as well. It was to be published in August, but another book scheduled for April release had some problems, so his book will take its place.

I think that I forgot to mention that he had a short story published in a Christmas anthology, "The Advent Calendar" by MRL Press.

Christopher and I spend part of last night moving furniture so that he can continue painting the bedroom. It is amazing (and disgusting) how much dust, cat hair and various junk can accumulate behind heavy furniture that he don't move often. We slept downstairs on the pullout sofa bed, and now I know that my parents lied when they said that it was comfortable to sleep on when they last visited. And Christopher's cat decided that she was going to sleep on my pillow, then spent what seemed like 20 minutes giving herself her evening bath.

Since we weren't sleeping in our bed, Leo decided that he didn't have to sleep in his. He dragged his sheets and comforter into the hall bathroom and spent part of the night there, then came downstairs and slept on the sofa in the family room. We are not allowing that tonight.

happy holidays

I hope that everyone is having a good holiday season. Our family is having a nice, low key holiday. We had my mother in law and father in law over for lunch today. Not a huge meal but nice.

Leo has been great today. Quite calm for an 8 year old with ADHD on Christmas day. He liked the gifts that he received and thanked us several times throughout the day. He seems to enjoy his new, warmer hoodie, his nerf disc-shooting gun, and his solar powered robot the most. I said before he was born that I would not buy him a gun, but he was using a stick and pretending it was a gun, plus the two brothers down the street that he plays the most with had guns and were shooting him, so we got him a gun to keep up.

Christopher saved the day with the nerf gun. We didn't realize that it required batteries when we bought it, only to realize today that it required six large batteries. He looked around and found two in the cabinet. Later he came downstairs with four more and put all six in the nerf gun. He remembered that we have a ... I'll call it an adult sex toy that uses four batteries. As he said to me "We just won't tell him where we got them." So the sex toy rescued Christmas.

You might wonder why I celebrate Christmas, not being Christian (and not having much good to say about the church that I was raised in.) But to me Christmas was always about getting together with the family (OK, and the presents when I was younger.) My grandmother routinely fed 20+ people at the holidays. Our family gatherings are much smaller now but still special to me.

Leo has been especially affectionate lately. He spontaneously hugs me and Christopher, and he joins us when I hug Christopher in the mornings as I leave for work and turns it into a family hug. He has also been telling us that we're good parents and that he is glad that we are his parents. I wonder if part of that is that he realizes that since he is adopted that he might not have ended up with us as parents. He gave us interesting gifts - a homemade coupon book with things that he will do for us. Mine includes "dish cleaning", a cup of homemade tea, and a car wash. He's a sweet kid that I love very much.

solstice

So last night at about 9:30 PM Pacific time was the winter solstice. Although that is the official start of winter, to me winter started in early December and ends about February 1st when I see the first blooms on fruit trees around here. But we are supposed to have a hard freeze tonight, which may damage my orange trees. That was one thing that I insisted on when we put in our backyard, that we have some orange trees. I had never lived anywhere that citrus would grow until I moved to California.

Leo decided that he wanted to change his hairstyle with his last haircut, and he got it "buzzed" or cut very short as one of his friends has. It took a day or two to get used to. He liked to run his fingers through it and wants me to do the same. I'm glad to see him expressing his own opinions about his hair. Before he was born I told myself that hair isn't important and I would always let a child choose his or her own hairstyle. I guess my years of Catholic schools with mandatory short hair helped me realize that hair doesn't really matter.

We're having a low key Christmas. Just the three of us and Christopher's parents over for dinner. The "extended" family, which just adds Christopher's aunt and stepgrandmother got together last weekend. I miss my grandmother's large family get togethers when I was a kid - easily 20 people or more. Five just isn't the same.

My 92 year old great aunt died last weekend. No one was surprised. But of course, family drama had to occur. My great aunt left everything to Heather, a great niece who had lived with her and helped care for her the last several years. One of Heather's aunts accused Heather of "brainwashing" my great aunt to get her house and estate. No, she was there providing help, where were you? There is only one surviving sibling of any of my grandparents, and she is 90.

unusual things in our home

If you were to visit our home you might see some unusual things. Here are a few that I noticed in the last few days. First are the handcuffs on the handle of the door of the oven. No, we're not into BDSM (and even if we were, not in the kitchen), they belong to my son Leo. I have no idea why he put them on the oven, but I often don't understand why he does what he does. Next you might notice the tooth sitting on a paper towel on my dresser. Leo pulled out another tooth last night, his seventh he thinks. We now owe him $5 he reminded me today. We never did the tooth fairy fantasy, so we just give him $5 per tooth. The next unusual thing would be the house key that was found in a container of leftover cake. It is my son's house key, which he couldn't find for a while. I asked why it was with the cake and he responded "I don't know, I lost it." OK, but why put it with the cake in the first place? No answer to that.

Next you might notice the vomit on the Christmas tree skirt. This can't be blamed on Leo but on our cat Miss Otis (named after the Cole Porter song). Christopher noticed it first and commented on it, so I decided if he saw it first he should clean it up. Petty, I know, but why talk about it if you don't take care of it?

The last somewhat bizarre thing you might see is a grape on our bedroom floor. Leo apparently had grapes at school and put a few in his pants pocket to eat later. Of course then forgot about them and didn't eat them or take them out of his pocket. Somehow one grape made it through the washer and dryer, and when he picked the pants up and put them on his shoulder before putting them on the grape fell out. Well, he must inherit that from Christopher, who regularly leaves his Chapstick in his pants pockets. They melt in the dryer but thankfully don't make a mess.

"Leo has had a busy day today."

That was how the lady working the desk in the principal's office in Leo's school greeted Christopher when he went to pick Leo up yesterday. (He was picking Leo up for an appointment, and the school policy is that the parent goes to the principal's office and the staff call the classroom to have the child sent to the office.) As all parents would when hearing that comment from the school office, Christopher braced himself for bad news, thinking "What has he done?" Well, it turns out that it wasn't anything bad at all. Leo had dragged one of the ladies from the cafeteria to the principal's office with him and wanted to complain about the choices in the cafeteria. (How did he convince the "lunch lady" as he calls her to come with him? He is persuasive though.) He wants to bring back the pesto pasta salad that he says all the kids like and get rid of some onion dish that has replaced it. So the office told him to start a petition to change the lunch options and have others sign it, which he did. He told me that he had 60 kids sign the petition, while Christopher says that he only saw 25 signatures on the petition. Either way, the office staff, Christopher and I are all proud of his determination. I encourage him to change the world when he can. Maybe he is an activist. Will I soon see him joining Occupy Wall Street?

Respect for Marriage Act

Yesterday the US Senate's Judiciary Committee approved the Respect for Marriage Act, which will repeal the section of the inappropriately named Defense of Marriage Act that prevents the federal government from recognizing valid same sex marriages. It was a 10 to 8 party line vote in the committee, with the Democrats voting for it and the Republicans opposed. I am proud that Dianne Feinstein of California sponsored the bill. The arguments that the Republicans made were offensive and lame. The bill will probably not come up for a vote in the full Senate, but this is a positive step. I want my government to acknowledge my marriage.

Also in the elections on Tuesday in a state Senate race in Iowa the Democrat won, thus continuing the Democratic control of the chamber. This is important because the majority leader, Mike Gronstal, has promised not to allow the Constitutional amendment to ban marriage equality to come to a vote while he is the majority leader.

On a personal note, my son Leo advanced from level 6 to level 7 in his swim lessons. In this level he will learn the butterfly. I'm proud of his accomplishment, since he now swims better than I do.

I also didn't realize how long it had been since I posted here. I'll try to check in more often.

Leo returns, Don't Ask Don't Tell leaves

I talked with my husband Christopher the other day about my blog. He asked that I remove our son's name and use a pseudonym again. Apparently internet security and safety recommendations are to not use children's names. So I changed his name in a post from a while back to Leo. Jay, I couldn't remove Leo's true name from your post without removing the entire post so I had to delete your comment. Sorry.

On other topics, Don't Ask, Don't Tell ended yesterday. It is a big step. I dated a few guys who were in the military when I was younger, and it wasn't fun to have to hide when we went out. One more brick removed from the wall of inequality for gays and lesbians in this country.

new glasses...what was I thinking?

First, I want to thank everyone for their kind comments on my last post. I was overdue for being honest with my name.

Every two years I can get a discount on new glasses through work. My last pair has been sliding down my nose when I look down for the past year, and they fall off if my face is sweaty or I bend over in just the wrong way - the glasses seem to fall off most when I'm scooping out the cat box - really gross, I know. So I got my new pair today. I was excited about them, came home wearing them, and Leo's comment when he saw me wearing them was "You look like a fool." They are kinda Harry Potter-ish, tortoise shell colored plastic frames with round lenses. I looked in the mirror after Leo went to bed and realized... I don't really like them. I'm on the small side, and my eyes are closely set, so most glasses are too big for me. The center of my eyes are not at the center of the lenses of most glasses, and this pair is no exception. I dug out the old pair that was my favorite - very small round lenses in a thin wire frame. They look better on me, but two problems with them - they aren't comfortable, and the lenses are too small for my "progressive" lenses since I need bifocals. So should I go for style or comfort in glasses? Which would you choose?

To make the glasses situation worse, Christopher went with me and got new glasses as well. He picked out a nice wire frame very similar to his current glasses. As I was getting my glasses measured and whatever else they do, he changed his mind and picked another pair that are almost identical to mine, although I didn't realize that at the time. Now our glasses are too similar. For some reason I don't think that a gay couple should have nearly identical glasses. It reminds me of the time one Easter when we visited my grandmother and without realizing it were wearing almost identical outfits. We totally freaked out the teenage friend that my much younger cousin brought to that Easter dinner - I don't think the kid had ever seen a gay couple before, and the fact that we were dressed nearly identically seemed to make his head explode - he kept staring at us but would look away if we looked at him.

who will my son marry?

On Sunday I took my son Leo to his school to play on the playground. During school the playground is separated by grade - the kindergartners have a separate playground, one for first and second graders, and one for 3rd through 6th graders. Since Leo is at the end of second grade (two more days left), he has wanted to play on the "big kids" playground since he was a kindergartner. As we were walking up, he made some negative remark about girls. I told him that he would change in mind about girls and would most likely marry one. He immediately said no, that he was going to marry a boy. I smiled to myself, thinking that he was imitating his own family. And chances are he is heterosexual and will marry a woman. When I mentioned this to my husband David, he said that I shouldn't dismiss Leo's statement so quickly. David said that at Leo's age, 7, that David knew that he was interested in other boys, but without role models in either his life or the media he didn't have an understanding or vocabulary to express it. I guess that is possible, but nothing about Leo has set off my "gaydar." I am curious though - of the people who read this who are gay or lesbian, did you know at age 7 that you were attracted to people of the same sex?

I'm back

After over 2 months I am finally back. I wasn't planning to take a long break but it just seemed to happen. Work got very busy, family life was busy, you know how it goes.

My son and I took a vacation to visit my parents during his spring break. My dad annoys my husband too much for David to come along. The two of us had a good trip, but I left Leo's favorite bathing suit - the one that is too small - at home and he decided that he didn't want to go to the beach, which is normally one of his favorite places, in the other bathing suit. I got to spend some time with my sister, brother in law and my niece, who is 16 months old. She never got used to me and wouldn't let me hold her. It's also amazing to me how much she looks like my sister. I'm enough older than my sister to remember what she looked like as a kid, and my niece looks like a clone of her. What's really strange is that my niece looked just like her father and not at all like my sister when she was born. Someone commented that it is adaptive for children to look like their fathers at birth - it confirms that the father is indeed the father and strengthens father-child bonds. I guess that I had not thought of it in Darwinian terms like that.

There doesn't seem to be a lot happening in gay and lesbian news lately. Next month there is a hearing in the Prop 8 trial. The pro-Prop 8 side is claiming that Judge Walker was biased because he is gay. I don't think that will work too well. Then several more months until the California Supreme Court considers whether the Prop 8 backers have standing to appeal the district court's decision. I don't think that they do, and California Attorney General Kamala Harris agreed in her amicus brief. I also hope that New York can pass marriage equality legislation. But Rhode Island failed to and seems to be headed toward Domestic Partnerships instead. And Minnesota may have a constitutional amendment to ban marriage equality in 2012. More evidence of why I have never been able to trust a Republican politician.

Leo loses another tooth

Last night when I came home my 7 year old son Leo was in the shower. David, my husband, told me that Leo had something to show me. David was getting a five dollar bill out of his wallet, and said that I could probably figure out what Leo had to show me based on the $5, but that gave me no clue. Leo told me to look on the counter when I went in the bathroom and I saw another of his teeth there. (We don't do the Tooth Fairy thing with him, we just give him $5 and keep the tooth.) I congratulated Leo on losing another tooth. He told me how he removed the tooth. "It wouldn't come out, so this is how I got it out." He then made a fist and mimicked punching himself in the face. I was very surprised and asked if that is really how he got it out, since he had just pulled the last 3 out. Both he and David agreed that he had indeed punched himself in the mouth. "There was blood everywhere" David added. It is logical I guess, at least to a 7 year old.

comments my son made today, and marmalade

On the way home from some time with his grandparents today, Leo asked David "Is seven odd?" David replied that yes, seven is an odd number. To which Leo replied "Then I'm odd." (since he is seven years old) David's response was "You said it, I didn't." Later he asked David "Do you have a girlfriend?" (If David did we would be having a talk right now!) David said no. We think that one of the older boys on our street was talking about having a girlfriend and Leo is working on the concept in his mind. Then while Leo was showering while David was brushing his teeth, Leo said "I'm stretching my balls. They're tight." Where did that comment come from?

Two weeks ago when I dropped Ethan off at our friends Gareth and Analisa's house to play with their son Alec, Analisa was making orange and lemon marmalade. I was intrigued. She explained briefly how she made it, and it didn't seem hard, although I've never canned anything before. But I'm thinking of giving it a try. I want to watch and help Analisa the next time that she does it. I've checked out a few recipes online, and also some chutney recipes. I realize that making marmalade or chutney seems very domestic, but I guess I'm becoming more domestic as I get older. It's not like I'm out there partying, so why not do interesting things around the house?

I'm pooing versus I'm farting

Leo, being a 7 year old boy, is definitely in a potty humor phase. He offered to play checkers with me on his iPod (which has subsequently been taken away for him hitting it on the table when it wouldn't do what he wanted) the other day. He entered our "names" on the iPod as "I'm pooing" for him and "I'm farting" for me. A fart or a burp is always good for a laugh.

Work has been busy, as expected during cold and flu season. One of my patients on hospice died today. I hope that his wife is handling his death OK.

My hairstylist has convinced me to let my hair grow out. I was keeping it short to control the curl, and I'm not sure the extra length and curl will work out, but it's only hair. If I don't like it I can always get my head shaved - no I can't really, my skull has a strange shape in back.

Nothing more to say today, other than I should have posted something sooner. I think "I should write a blog entry about that" but forget about it before I get around to it.

Jabba the Hut

Yesterday morning Leo went to the bathroom during breakfast. After a while, he yelled out "My poo looks like Jabba the Hut!" What do you say in response to that? I said "OK." I asked David and he said that his stock answer in situations that seem to require one but you don't want to say what you really think to Leo is "That's good to know." Since I'm on the subject of 7 year old boys and "poo", I am waiting until Leo can wipe his ass in a normal way after a bowel movement. He either doesn't wipe at all (and I know this because I do the laundry and it is obvious when he takes his underwear off, or because he forgets to flush about half the time) or he uses half a roll of toilet paper and blocks the toilet. I asked a friend with three sons when they become hygienic and she said her oldest did at about 12 when a girl commented that he didn't smell good. His mother had told him the same thing but he ignored her. So I guess that we have about 5 more years.

"Here's my hole, Daddy."

A few days ago Leo told David that he had a hole in one of his pairs of pants, but he couldn't remember which pair. David asked Leo to point out the hole the next time that he found it. So one afternoon as we were about to serve dinner David and I were standing in the kitchen near the sink when Leo comes in, sits down on the floor, tilts his torso back and raises and spreads his legs. He points to a small separation in the seam of the crotch of his pants and says "Here's my hole, Daddy." David and I both suppressed smiles and David thanked him for pointing out the hole. Once Leo left I turned to David and smiled, saying "He has a hole down there." David said, "Yes, I'm aware of that now."

On a more somber note, Leo spends three afternoons a week at the Child Development Center (CDC) at school. It's basically child care for parents who work and can't pick their kids up right after school. We have Leo there so that he has more time to play with other kids, and to give David a break. Yesterday Leo told David that he spent all afternoon playing video games on the computer because no one would play with him. David asked why and Leo said that he didn't know. I suspect that it was his ADHD, which makes him impatient and impulsive, sometimes blurting out thoughts that he should keep inside. We feel bad for Leo, and we're going to try another change in his medications this week.

slushie versus sushi, and "You aim for the drain."

Yesterday Leo wanted me to tell him a funny story about our family. He enjoys hearing family stories. So I told him about the time that I spilled a slushie down my mother's neck and back while she was on her lunch hour. He asked "What's a slushie? Is that like sushi?" I had to smile at that question. I realize that is how we are raising Leo - he's totally comfortable with sushi but has no idea what a slushie is.

Yesterday David did something that surprised me. I was on the toilet getting rid of some santorum (Google that if you don't know what it is. Thank you Dan Savage). David had to urinate, and since we were having a good post coital conversation, he decided to just urinate in the sink. I heard what he was doing and asked if that was what I thought it was. He said "Yes. So?" I said that I thought that it was a little strange, that we have two other bathrooms that he could use. He said that he didn't want to interrupt our conversation, and it was no big deal. I said that it could be messy if there was any splatter. He said "You just aim for the drain and it goes right in. It all ends up in the same place anyway." I should mention that David's mother ran a waste water treatment plant for many years, so conversations of what happens to "stuff" after you flush was normal dinnertime conversation at his house. He also wanted me to add that he is 6'4" tall (1.83 meters) so it's a straight shot down for him. Just so you don't get the wrong impression, David doesn't go urinating on trees in the park or anything like that.

blue moon, and Turkey Trot

Today there was a blue moon. From what I understand, the third full moon in a season with four full moons (instead of the usual three) is referred to as a blue moon. Today was one of those rare full moons.

Yesterday I ran a local Turkey Trot 10k road race. It is always held the Saturday before Thanksgiving. This year it was overcast and cold, and rain began to fall during the race. Luckily I was bundled up and wore a running rain jacket. Leo ran the kids race, but luckily it had stopped raining by then.

Leo's ADHD is either a bit better lately or we are just learning how to manage it better. The hyperactivity and distractibility don't bother me much, and the out of control temper has been better.

Not much more going on lately.

Labor Day, and curry-less curry

Yesterday was Labor Day, so Leo and I did the local Labor Day run. I ran the 10k and he ran the kids 1k. He wanted me to run along with him, as the parents of some of the smaller kids' parents do. But he took off into a herd of kids at the start, and I would have had to knock over other kids to keep up with him, so I stopped. It turns out that he fell and scraped his hands, so I wish that I had run with him. My race went OK. I started out too fast so didn't have much at the end, but my time was OK - a little over 51 minutes unofficially.

I cooked a curried vegetable dish that David really likes for dinner on Sunday night. I thought that it didn't taste right and commented on that. David said that it tasted fine to him, and Leo said that it was the best that I ever made that dish. I went back and looked at the recipe and realized that I have left the CURRY out of the curried vegetables. So it was just a mix of vegetables. No wonder it didn't taste right. So what am I to make of my husband saying that it tastes fine and my son saying that it was the best that I had ever made that dish? I just need to realize that my husband and son just don't like anything even mildly spicy, while I need some spice or heat in food for it to taste good. I made a Thai curry once and David couldn't even eat it, and I agree it was a little hot. The next time I tried half the curry in the recipe, which didn't work either. Leo was young, so he didn't know the correct words to say but said "This makes my teeth hurt!", while David told me never to cook it for the family again. The two of them think that mild salsa is too hot, while I think that the "hot" is too mild. I wonder where I got a taste for heat - my parents never served any spicy food and don't like it now. Maybe I'm just an aberration, in yet another way.


I also want to welcome a new follower, TwoLives. It seems like I've "seen" you around here before, TwoLives. Maybe I've read your blog or commented on a blog that you commented on. Either way, welcome. Feel free to tell us about you or your blog if you want.

Leo has lost two teeth

We're back from San Diego. We did all the kid things while we were there - Legoland, Sea World, the zoo, the kids' science museum. We all had a good time.

While we were there, the tooth that had barely been hanging on finally came out, after Leo played with it for what seemed like hours when he should have been asleep. He was a little scared of pulling out his tooth. Once he realized that it really didn't hurt, as we had been telling him for weeks, he pulled the second one out two days later. We did not lie to him and tell him that the Tooth Fairy would give him money if he put it next to his bed, so we gave him $5 for it. I insisted before he was born that I would never lie to a child of mine, so we don't have Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.


I'm overdue in welcoming my newest follower, Brian. I don't know much about you, Brian, other than that you are "older." Older is relative, since I'm older than many of my followers and some of the people that I follow. I always ask if you want to introduce yourself and tell us about you.


I also wonder if anyone has been in contact with Jon, of The Rainbow Runner. When I tried to check his blog last night I was told that it no longer existed. I'll try again after posting this. I hope that Jon's OK.