Leo returns, Don't Ask Don't Tell leaves

I talked with my husband Christopher the other day about my blog. He asked that I remove our son's name and use a pseudonym again. Apparently internet security and safety recommendations are to not use children's names. So I changed his name in a post from a while back to Leo. Jay, I couldn't remove Leo's true name from your post without removing the entire post so I had to delete your comment. Sorry.

On other topics, Don't Ask, Don't Tell ended yesterday. It is a big step. I dated a few guys who were in the military when I was younger, and it wasn't fun to have to hide when we went out. One more brick removed from the wall of inequality for gays and lesbians in this country.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell is ending

As probably everyone in the US has heard, a repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell passed the Senate on Saturday. (It's the law that prevents gays and lesbians from serving in the Armed Forces unless they are never sexually active and never tell anyone their orientation.) That is good news. Now the President will sign it and the process set up to end it will begin. There were a handful of Republicans voting for it - why not, since the majority of Americans supported repeal. It was a bad law from the beginning.

I do have to wonder about the progress over the last two years, in which Democrats had majorities in both houses of Congress and the Presidency. The only positive laws that passed for gays and lesbians were a hate crimes law and the eventual end of DADT. Yes, the President issued an executive order requiring hospitals that accept governmental funds (as almost all do) to permit gays and lesbians to have their partners visit them, but that really isn't much to show for two years. Where was the Employment Non-discrimination Act that prevents employers from firing someone just for being gay or lesbian? Or some type of federal recognition of same sex couples? Or a change in laws to allow Americans to sponsor their partners for immigration? Or some federal law to protect gay and lesbian kids from bullying at school? Maybe I was expecting too much, but I was only hoping for equality, which shouldn't be too much for 21st century America.

this is progress, right?

Gay issues have been in the news here in the US lately. A federal district judge in Southern California declared "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" unconstitutional and issued an injunction preventing discharges or investigations of gay or lesbian service members. But our President, who opposes the law and wants it repealed but did little or nothing to get it passed in the Senate, says that he has to appeal the judge's decision - no, you don't, you don't have to defend laws that have been declared unconstitutional that you disagree with. So it could be a long time until DADT is officially over.

The state of Florida's Department of Childrens' Services (I think that I got the name right) has decided not to appeal a state district court's decision that barring all gays and lesbians from adopting is unconstitutional. But the state attorney general might decide on his own to appeal, so that law might still be enforceable.

A federal district judge in Massachusetts declared that the part of the Defense of Marriage Act that prevents the federal government from recognizing valid marriages of same sex couples is unconstitutional. But the Obama administration has decided to appeal those two related decisions as well.

The spate of recent suicides by young gays and a lesbian has gotten press lately, which is a good thing. But is change really happening in middle and high schools were the problems really are?

The Prop 8 trial will be in early December, so again a wait for the legal process to slowly grind toward a conclusion.

I saw a moving speech by Joel Burns, the first gay elected official in the history of Fort Worth, Texas, at a recent city council meeting. He talked about his experiences but became too emotional to read a few sentences talking about his darkest times when he was a gay teen.

So I guess that I would like to see real progress, not potential progress that gets appealed and is in the legal system for years. Lives are being lost now, so I want the lives of gays and lesbians, especially the young ones, to improve now.

Happy Birthday to Canada and the US

Happy 143rd "birthday" to Canada and 234th to the US, both belated. Jimmy (the moose icon among my followers) reminded me of Canada Day recently - thanks Jimmy. I hope that your summer job on the railway in the Canadian Rockies is going well.

On the Fourth, Leo, David and I went over to Gareth and Analisa's (the couple that we're closest to) for their traditional barbecue. She was kind enough to grill vegetables for me, so I pigged out on eggplant. I really enjoy eggplant, while as David says "The best that I can say about eggplant in a dish is that it was well hidden." Leo enjoyed playing in their pool with their son Alec, and I enjoyed holding Kaylin, their 11 month old. She thinks that I'm funny when I make faces at her while she is in her mother's arms, but when I hold her she thinks that I'm someone to watch very closely for bad behavior.

On the Fourth I thought about the founding of my country. I visited Philadelphia a few years ago and took the tour to see the buildings and rooms where the Declaration of Independence was signed. It seemed to be a fitting room for our country - relatively small room, not at all ornate with unpainted wood plank floors. I also thought about the gay and lesbian soldiers who have died for a country that doesn't treat them as equals. When is Don't Ask, Don't Tell going to be repealed?


I have a new follower, and as is my custom, I want to welcome Oliver. I don't know anything about you, Oliver, since I didn't see a blog of your own or any biographical information. I invite you to introduce yourself and tell us about you. I've always liked the name Oliver, although Oliver North brought discredit to the name in the 1980s - you might not have even been alive then.

Memorial Day at work, and two new followers

I'm at work today, which is Memorial Day here in the US, a day to remember our citizens who died defending our country. We have to work every other "minor holiday" and also alternate the "major holidays." It's quiet so far, which is how I like it.

I'm thinking of the gay and lesbian soldiers who died for their country - a country that made their love illegal for many years, and to this day doesn't allow them to serve openly in the armed forces. There was a letter from a gay World War II veteran to the President posted on one of the gay web sites this week. It told of finding love with a fellow soldier in North Africa and their plans to meet again after the war was over. But it didn't work out that way - one of them was killed in combat. I did meet a gay couple that met through the gay underground during WWII. They exchanged letters and met after the war ended and were together for over 50 years. Stories like that aren't told - I never heard them growing up as a closeted teen. But things are changing for the better. Just this week the US Congress took the first steps toward repealing "Don't Ask Don't Tell."

Saturday night we walked over to the home of some friends for dinner. Mark and Nancy and their three boys Luke, Gavin and A.J. had us and another family, Aaron and Lisa and their children Ryan and Julia over for dinner. Our son Leo, Luke, and Ryan are all in the same grade at the Montessori program in the neighborhood public school. Everyone seemed to have a good time. I got to hold 4 month old A.J. and get what David refers to as my "baby fix." He's fine with it as long as I don't want another child. I don't think that he could handle another baby. He's the stay at home but also work from home parent, and it wouldn't be fair to him.


I seem to have two new followers. I have a custom of welcoming new people to the blog and asking if they want to make any comments. Welcome to Churchill 1990, who I can't find much about and doesn't seem to have a blog of his or her own, and to Waiting for John, whose name appears to be Tristram. I read over your last two posts Tristram but I should go back further to understand all that's happening.

Don't Ask Don't Tell, throwing rocks, extra capacity

Yesterday the US House of Representatives and the Senate Armed Services committee passed bills to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell, the policy that bars gays and lesbians from serving in the military. The bills haven't passed yet, and the compromises in the bills aren't great, but is an important first step. I have no interest in serving in the military, but I do want gays and lesbians to have that opportunity.

Yesterday David cooked Leo a hamburger and Leo became upset that the bread was too soft. David wasn't happy about Leo's complaint, so they were both somewhat upset. Leo then went outside and got into a shouting match with the boy living across the street. He threatened to throw a rock at the other kid, which David overheard. David came outside and told Leo to put his bike up and come inside. A few minutes later David heard the other kid's father in the garage telling Leo to get David. Leo had thrown a rock and hit the other kid on the ear, drawing blood. David was furious with Leo. Leo's now grounded and knows that he's in a lot of trouble. He can't play outside for now, and there will be more conversations this weekend.

David saw his allergist today and had lung function testing done. His lung capacity is 30% above normal, probably due to either his height (6'4") or his years of rowing. When he sent a text to me to let me know, I responded with "I guess you're good at blowing." He accused me of being a perv. I think that if you've got it you should use it ;-) David will start allergy injections again. He tried it a number of years ago but had too many bad reactions so had to stop.