this is progress, right?

Gay issues have been in the news here in the US lately. A federal district judge in Southern California declared "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" unconstitutional and issued an injunction preventing discharges or investigations of gay or lesbian service members. But our President, who opposes the law and wants it repealed but did little or nothing to get it passed in the Senate, says that he has to appeal the judge's decision - no, you don't, you don't have to defend laws that have been declared unconstitutional that you disagree with. So it could be a long time until DADT is officially over.

The state of Florida's Department of Childrens' Services (I think that I got the name right) has decided not to appeal a state district court's decision that barring all gays and lesbians from adopting is unconstitutional. But the state attorney general might decide on his own to appeal, so that law might still be enforceable.

A federal district judge in Massachusetts declared that the part of the Defense of Marriage Act that prevents the federal government from recognizing valid marriages of same sex couples is unconstitutional. But the Obama administration has decided to appeal those two related decisions as well.

The spate of recent suicides by young gays and a lesbian has gotten press lately, which is a good thing. But is change really happening in middle and high schools were the problems really are?

The Prop 8 trial will be in early December, so again a wait for the legal process to slowly grind toward a conclusion.

I saw a moving speech by Joel Burns, the first gay elected official in the history of Fort Worth, Texas, at a recent city council meeting. He talked about his experiences but became too emotional to read a few sentences talking about his darkest times when he was a gay teen.

So I guess that I would like to see real progress, not potential progress that gets appealed and is in the legal system for years. Lives are being lost now, so I want the lives of gays and lesbians, especially the young ones, to improve now.

remembering Kurt

There have been several suicides of gay teens recently, some the result of years of anti-gay bullying. Is there anything sadder than that? It's very discouraging that as we are making progress toward equality young gay men are still driven to suicide. But I look at all the progress that has occurred since I was a teen and usually feel better.

The recent suicides have made me think about Kurt, one of my classmates in school. Kurt moved to town at the start of fifth grade, and we became friends. We went to school together through high school. We were somewhat close in fifth and sixth grades but drifted apart after that. Then in junior year of high school I noticed a change in Kurt. He became quiet and quit talking to people except when someone spoke directly to him. He also stopped doing his homework and seemed to be in trouble with teachers for that all the time. What I noticed most was his smell. It was obvious to me that he quit bathing and he smelled pretty bad. Being the naive 16 year old that I was, I just wondered why he wouldn't take a shower. In retrospect it is obvious that he was very depressed and didn't care any more. But neither I nor anyone else seemed to realize what Kurt's problem was. One day he got a ride home with a classmate and seemed to be OK. I think that he had made his decision by then. He went home and hung himself, and his twelve year old sister found him later. Looking back I am pretty sure that Kurt was gay - maybe I had a little gaydar even back then. He didn't seem to like sports but played baseball when he was younger because his father wanted him to. Bullying was part of the problem - we went to an all-male Catholic high school, and the in crowd and bullies were merciless toward those that they considered weak. I wish that I had some of the experience that I have now to spot depression - I'm a primary care physician, so I see it nearly every day. Another preventable death, another victim of homophobia.

half shaved typhoid Larry

Sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I got busy, and I was reading a really great series of stories by Michael Arram. If you are interested they are the Henry series and available online at crvboy.org.

Recently the entire family has been ill with colds. Leo may have brought it home from school or I might have from work. David is blaming me and calling me "typhoid Larry." If you don't get the joke email me and I'll explain it.

A few years ago I noticed that a mole on my leg was changing, so I had it evaluated and removed. One part of it was on its way to melanoma but wasn't there yet. So now I apply sunscreen everywhere before I run, and it's much easier if I shave my legs. So I was half finished the second leg the other day when the electric razor died. Now I have one shaved leg and one partially shaved leg - it looks strange, as you would guess.

It summary I'm a half shaved typhoid Larry

Labor Day, and curry-less curry

Yesterday was Labor Day, so Leo and I did the local Labor Day run. I ran the 10k and he ran the kids 1k. He wanted me to run along with him, as the parents of some of the smaller kids' parents do. But he took off into a herd of kids at the start, and I would have had to knock over other kids to keep up with him, so I stopped. It turns out that he fell and scraped his hands, so I wish that I had run with him. My race went OK. I started out too fast so didn't have much at the end, but my time was OK - a little over 51 minutes unofficially.

I cooked a curried vegetable dish that David really likes for dinner on Sunday night. I thought that it didn't taste right and commented on that. David said that it tasted fine to him, and Leo said that it was the best that I ever made that dish. I went back and looked at the recipe and realized that I have left the CURRY out of the curried vegetables. So it was just a mix of vegetables. No wonder it didn't taste right. So what am I to make of my husband saying that it tastes fine and my son saying that it was the best that I had ever made that dish? I just need to realize that my husband and son just don't like anything even mildly spicy, while I need some spice or heat in food for it to taste good. I made a Thai curry once and David couldn't even eat it, and I agree it was a little hot. The next time I tried half the curry in the recipe, which didn't work either. Leo was young, so he didn't know the correct words to say but said "This makes my teeth hurt!", while David told me never to cook it for the family again. The two of them think that mild salsa is too hot, while I think that the "hot" is too mild. I wonder where I got a taste for heat - my parents never served any spicy food and don't like it now. Maybe I'm just an aberration, in yet another way.


I also want to welcome a new follower, TwoLives. It seems like I've "seen" you around here before, TwoLives. Maybe I've read your blog or commented on a blog that you commented on. Either way, welcome. Feel free to tell us about you or your blog if you want.

back after a long break

I'm finally back. I didn't really go anywhere but got so busy that I didn't post for a long time.

My parents came for a visit, timed to coincide with Leo's seventh birthday. It was generally a good trip. For once it wasn't too hot in August. We went to the usual kid attractions - the Sacramento Zoo, Fairytale Town (a small park with play areas based on nursery rhymes), the local pool. Leo always enjoys my parents' visits - he has four adults instead of two to entertain him.

We had Leo's birthday party at Rocknasium, a local rock climbing gym. The nine kids enjoyed climbing all over the walls. I have to say I learned something too - rock climbers are hot! It was a warm day, and since we live in a college town, the college and high school rock climbers were almost all shirtless. Unlike guys who lift weights, these guys get muscles from "natural" exercise, so they're lean but very fit. Someone could make a bundle by having a rock climbers calender for 2011.

The difficult part of my parents' trip came after they left. I talked to David, who values his quiet and personal space, and he told me that he can't tolerate my parents staying in our house for a week again. It's just my dad - my mom doesn't bother David but my dad does - he and David are just totally opposite personalities. That's really difficult for me - David has to be comfortable, but I have to tell my parents that they have to stay in a hotel next time. Ugh.

Leo started second grade on Wednesday. He's in a Montessori program in our local public school and is in a combined second and third grade class. He has a teacher that I have heard very good things about. But David and I had to laugh about something that happened on Friday. His teacher immigrated from India, and has a small red circle on her forehead, which I believe is a Hindu tradition (maybe someone can enlighten me on this?). Apparently one of the kids in the class wanted one too, so she gave one to every kid who wanted one. David and I don't care, but we could see some fundamentalist parents having a fit about their child coming home with a Hindu mark on their head. Probably won't happen in our very liberal college town in Northern California, but you never know. That type of parents usually won't enroll their child in a Montessori program to start though.

We've been keeping Apple happy lately. David bought a new laptop with the money that he earns from writing and editing manuscripts, and soon after his iPhone died so he bought a G4 iPhone. It does take good home movies on iMovie.

I'm working today, so David took Leo to see his first movie in a theatre, Nanny McPhee Returns. Leo apparently enjoyed it and behaved very well.


I want to welcome a new follower, Grant from Gay and Away. I enjoy your blog, Grant.

a small step toward marriage equality?

By now everyone has heard about Prop 8 being declared unconstitutional by a federal district judge in San Francisco. That is great, but I have to wonder where this will end up. Will the Ninth Circuit Court, and later the Supreme Court, agree, or will one or the other overturn the decision? It all comes down to nine people in DC, their personal beliefs (and biases). I remember the huge disappointment in 1986 or '87 when the Supreme Court surprised the gay community and upheld rather than overturned Georgia's sodomy law. (I grew up and was living in Georgia at the time, so it hit me personally very hard.) And even if the law is ruled unconstitutional in the end, will it only affect California? Or will it be used to overturn anti-marriage equality laws and constitutional amendments in other states? I always get nervous thinking about this - having basic human rights of a minority up for a vote by the majority. I did donate money to the American Foundation for Equal Rights, the organization that brought the lawsuit. The trial also reminded me to always give people the chance to do the right thing. I did not like Ted Olson when he argued Bush versus Gore in the Supreme Court, or when he was Solicitor General in the Bush administration. But he did the right thing in this case. Even Republicans can do the right thing on occasion.

Leo has lost two teeth

We're back from San Diego. We did all the kid things while we were there - Legoland, Sea World, the zoo, the kids' science museum. We all had a good time.

While we were there, the tooth that had barely been hanging on finally came out, after Leo played with it for what seemed like hours when he should have been asleep. He was a little scared of pulling out his tooth. Once he realized that it really didn't hurt, as we had been telling him for weeks, he pulled the second one out two days later. We did not lie to him and tell him that the Tooth Fairy would give him money if he put it next to his bed, so we gave him $5 for it. I insisted before he was born that I would never lie to a child of mine, so we don't have Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.


I'm overdue in welcoming my newest follower, Brian. I don't know much about you, Brian, other than that you are "older." Older is relative, since I'm older than many of my followers and some of the people that I follow. I always ask if you want to introduce yourself and tell us about you.


I also wonder if anyone has been in contact with Jon, of The Rainbow Runner. When I tried to check his blog last night I was told that it no longer existed. I'll try again after posting this. I hope that Jon's OK.