Today David had his laptop at the table, and he said that he was taking an online quiz titled something like "What television mother are you?" Without thinking, I said "You're Roseanne." David does have a sarcastic side. He took the quiz, looked at me and said "I hate you." Because the quiz told him that he was...Roseanne. When he read aloud the description of a Roseanne mom, I said "Yep, that's you." He couldn't really disagree.
Yesterday we went to the only kids' shoe store in town to buy Leo a pair of black dress shoes for his greatgrandfather's funeral and his grandparents' wedding. Well, such shoes weren't available. So the best that we could do were tennis shoes in black with silver trim. But he wanted navy blue ones instead, so we bought those. This way he will wear them more than twice, so we came out ahead. He also saw kids' umbrellas and asked for one. We're in the rainy season here in California's Mediterranean climate, and there is rain forecast for the next week, plus he doesn't have one. So he has a new umbrella. I took him to school today in the rain, so the perfect time to use his umbrella. But no, he didn't want to use his new umbrella, and the reason that he gave was that he DIDN'T WANT HIS NEW UMBRELLA TO GET WET! I explained that that was the point to an umbrella, it gets wet so that he stays dry. No, he still didn't want his new umbrella to get wet. This was after we were walking from the car to school. So I had to carry his backpack and his umbrella while holding my umbrella to stay dry. At what age does logic start to appear?
We were told yesterday that Leo will be an engineer when he grows up. He had a playdate with the son of the couple that we're closest to (we met them when both couples were adopting), and he helped his friend and the friend's mother fix a difficult to assemble toy. The friend's mother is an engineer herself, and she said that he definitely has an aptitude for engineering. I know that he enjoys fixing things and taking them apart. We have a trash can that has a foot pedal to open the lid, and it came apart this weekend. I didn't feel like stopping as I was cooking to fix it, so I just told Leo that it was broken and within about 10 minutes he had studied the mechanism, recognized the problem, and fixed it. He does have ADHD, but he's been mechanical since he was a toddler. How many toddlers walk around with a screwdriver in their hand looking for something to take apart? Leo did.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Grandpa/Greatgrandpa Jim, 1919-2010
David's paternal grandfather, and Leo's greatgrandfather, Jim, died last night. He was 90, almost 91. We received a phone call just after lunch from Millie (my mother in law) that Phil (my father in law) had been called from a local Emergency Department that Jim had a large cerebral hemorrhage (a stroke with bleeding in the brain), and that the family should come to the ED now. When we arrived Jim wasn't moving the right side of his body and would only occasionally open his eyes. The ED physician (who David referred to as "Dr. Hottie - he's got that nerd thing goin' that I like so much" - guess that explains why David was attracted to me) explained that there was a large amount of blood in the left side of Jim's brain, and that in a person Jim's age the situation was usually fatal within a few days. Jim's wife, two children, his only grandson and greatgrandson (David and Leo) were there, and his sister was coming in from her home about 3 hours away. Leo was a little scared or intimidated at first but later warmed up and held Jim's hand. After a few hours we left when EMTs arrived to take Jim to a hospital covered by his insurance.
David has been ill the last few days, and I had to wake him up from a nap to go to the ED. He didn't want to go to the other hospital, and Leo had had enough of hospitals. I asked if David wanted to go back later to see his grandfather, but he didn't. Mille called about 11:30 PM to tell us that Jim had died.
I am trying to help David, but the reality is that he doesn't need any help. He's not sad, since he saw this coming for a long time. At Thanksgiving he talked with his grandfather, only to have his grandfather ask his mother why David wasn't there. The other reason, really the main reason, that David isn't sad is that he wasn't close to his grandfather. Despite living about 30 miles apart, the family only got together once or twice a year when David was growing up. That was because Phil had a very strained relationship with his father. So David doesn't have good memories of his grandfather from his childhood.
But Jim was an involved and loving greatgrandfather to Leo. In his 80s he would get down on the floor and play with Leo, which David said his grandfather never did with him. I think Jim was raised by a strict German father who taught him that men didn't show emotions and left childcare to women. So Jim missed the chance to have a close relationship with his grandson but he didn't make the same mistake with his greatgrandson.
Unfortunately, Jim didn't make any funeral arrangements, so his wife (who is his second wife, not David's grandmother) is trying to do that now, but she doesn't seem to be able to make decisions from what we hear.
This Sunday was supposed to be Millie and Phil's wedding (getting remarried 29 years after their divorce), but we're not sure if Phil will want to get married soon after his father died.
David has been ill the last few days, and I had to wake him up from a nap to go to the ED. He didn't want to go to the other hospital, and Leo had had enough of hospitals. I asked if David wanted to go back later to see his grandfather, but he didn't. Mille called about 11:30 PM to tell us that Jim had died.
I am trying to help David, but the reality is that he doesn't need any help. He's not sad, since he saw this coming for a long time. At Thanksgiving he talked with his grandfather, only to have his grandfather ask his mother why David wasn't there. The other reason, really the main reason, that David isn't sad is that he wasn't close to his grandfather. Despite living about 30 miles apart, the family only got together once or twice a year when David was growing up. That was because Phil had a very strained relationship with his father. So David doesn't have good memories of his grandfather from his childhood.
But Jim was an involved and loving greatgrandfather to Leo. In his 80s he would get down on the floor and play with Leo, which David said his grandfather never did with him. I think Jim was raised by a strict German father who taught him that men didn't show emotions and left childcare to women. So Jim missed the chance to have a close relationship with his grandson but he didn't make the same mistake with his greatgrandson.
Unfortunately, Jim didn't make any funeral arrangements, so his wife (who is his second wife, not David's grandmother) is trying to do that now, but she doesn't seem to be able to make decisions from what we hear.
This Sunday was supposed to be Millie and Phil's wedding (getting remarried 29 years after their divorce), but we're not sure if Phil will want to get married soon after his father died.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
am I proud to be an American?
I have been thinking about this topic since Michelle Obama said something about when her husband was elected, it was the first time that she felt proud to be an American. She was criticized by the right wing, but I completely understood what she meant. It is hard to be proud of your country when your ancestors have been enslaved, then "freed" but denied basic rights, lynched, discriminated against, etc.
So I started to think about my feelings about being an American. Perhaps I take too much for granted, and I realize that so many parts of the world don't have much of what Americans and other Westerners enjoy. But I can see where America falls short.
For me, it starts with how gays, lesbians and others who don't conform to rigid gender stereotypes are treated. I am treated as a second class citizen in my own country in many ways. I am denied recognition of my marriage and am legally a stranger to my husband in all but a handful of states; I could be fired from my job based on my sexual orientation in many states; my right to be considered for adoption wouldn't be allowed in some states; I can't serve in the military, not that I would want to, but I should have that option. So based on that, I'm not proud of my country's treatment of minorities.
But I am proud of some things my country has done. The defense of Europe during and after World War II was the right thing to do. Democracy has many problems, but it seems better than most other forms of government, so I'm glad that the US has spread democracy.
I can think of many things my country does wrong. Our government is much too militaristic - how many wars have we been in just during my lifetime? Vietnam, the Balkans, Iraq twice, Afghanistan, etc. Why do we still have troops in Korea over 50 years after fighting stopped? Why do we have military stationed all over the world? We are not the world's policeman. We spend more than the rest of the world combined on our military. That money is desperately needed for other priorities. Why does the US get involved in almost any conflict everywhere? Has the government heard of imperial overreach?
I think in many ways I have more of a European mindset than an American one. Americans have kept too much of the settler mentality, the "I'm going to find a piece of land for myself, and screw the rest of you." We don't seem to have the social cohesiveness that other countries do. The social safety net is full of holes. And insults and yelling are standard instead of calm discussions.
Our democracy has so many problems, most based on money. The candidate that raises the most money wins something like 95% of all elections. Corporate interests seem to rule our government, because they provide the money to win elections.
I can't leave out the role of religion in the US. The US got many of the religious fanatics that left Europe. (Why couldn't we just have gotten the prisoners like Australia did? They got the better end of the deal.) Many of those fanatics were extremely intolerant of others' religious beliefs. So many people base their voting on their religion, which is their right, but this is not a theocracy. You don't have the right to impose your religion or religious beliefson anyone else, even via the ballot box.
I do hope that some things are improving. Gay rights have advanced much during my lifetime. Perhaps when gays and lesbians have all the rights of other Americans thoughout the country I will finally be proud of my country, just as Michelle Obama was.
So I started to think about my feelings about being an American. Perhaps I take too much for granted, and I realize that so many parts of the world don't have much of what Americans and other Westerners enjoy. But I can see where America falls short.
For me, it starts with how gays, lesbians and others who don't conform to rigid gender stereotypes are treated. I am treated as a second class citizen in my own country in many ways. I am denied recognition of my marriage and am legally a stranger to my husband in all but a handful of states; I could be fired from my job based on my sexual orientation in many states; my right to be considered for adoption wouldn't be allowed in some states; I can't serve in the military, not that I would want to, but I should have that option. So based on that, I'm not proud of my country's treatment of minorities.
But I am proud of some things my country has done. The defense of Europe during and after World War II was the right thing to do. Democracy has many problems, but it seems better than most other forms of government, so I'm glad that the US has spread democracy.
I can think of many things my country does wrong. Our government is much too militaristic - how many wars have we been in just during my lifetime? Vietnam, the Balkans, Iraq twice, Afghanistan, etc. Why do we still have troops in Korea over 50 years after fighting stopped? Why do we have military stationed all over the world? We are not the world's policeman. We spend more than the rest of the world combined on our military. That money is desperately needed for other priorities. Why does the US get involved in almost any conflict everywhere? Has the government heard of imperial overreach?
I think in many ways I have more of a European mindset than an American one. Americans have kept too much of the settler mentality, the "I'm going to find a piece of land for myself, and screw the rest of you." We don't seem to have the social cohesiveness that other countries do. The social safety net is full of holes. And insults and yelling are standard instead of calm discussions.
Our democracy has so many problems, most based on money. The candidate that raises the most money wins something like 95% of all elections. Corporate interests seem to rule our government, because they provide the money to win elections.
I can't leave out the role of religion in the US. The US got many of the religious fanatics that left Europe. (Why couldn't we just have gotten the prisoners like Australia did? They got the better end of the deal.) Many of those fanatics were extremely intolerant of others' religious beliefs. So many people base their voting on their religion, which is their right, but this is not a theocracy. You don't have the right to impose your religion or religious beliefson anyone else, even via the ballot box.
I do hope that some things are improving. Gay rights have advanced much during my lifetime. Perhaps when gays and lesbians have all the rights of other Americans thoughout the country I will finally be proud of my country, just as Michelle Obama was.
Friday, January 15, 2010
he's a 10
Yesterday my son Leo skipped from reading level 8 to level 10. This feels great to me. After watching him struggle with reading last year before his attention defecit hyperactivity disorder was diagnosed, I am happy to see each advance in reading. His reward is dinner out for the family this weekend. I don't like to use food as a reward, but his meds decrease his appetite, and he likes to eat out. Unfortunately, his favorite Mexican restaurant closed a few months ago. With his severe peanut allergy, many restaurants are off limits. There is one Chinese restaurant that seems safe, but we always bring an Epi-pen when we go out.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
waking up my son
This morning I again had the pleasure of waking my six year old son Leo up. It really is a pleasure. Seeing my cute son laying there asleep, and starting to talk to him to wake him up is nice. He moves around, smacks his mouth some, raises an arm but it gradually falls back down. He is a heavy sleeper - he must have inherited that from me. (That's a joke, he's adopted. But he looks a little like my husband David. Leo's birthmother picked us to be Leo's parents in part because she thought that David looked like Leo's birthfather.) He often partially wakes up, then rolls over and drifts back to sleep. It's really cute. This is something that I probably wouldn't have appreciated before I became a parent. Becoming a parent really does change you in so many ways that you don't even realize.
I want to add to the gay guys reading this that you can become a parent too. (or at least you can in most US states. I don't know about South Africa, Australia, the UK or other countries where some of you are living.) There are lots of kids out there who need parents. We know several couples who adopted through the foster care system, although we didn't go that route.
I want to add to the gay guys reading this that you can become a parent too. (or at least you can in most US states. I don't know about South Africa, Australia, the UK or other countries where some of you are living.) There are lots of kids out there who need parents. We know several couples who adopted through the foster care system, although we didn't go that route.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
he's farting at me
A few days ago I was in my son Leo's room as he was getting dressed after his shower. He bent over, and as he did, a fart popped out. I was nearby, so I said "Are you farting at me?" He turned around and saw the smile on my face, then he smiled too and said "Yes", although I know that it was accidental. A few minutes later I felt a fart coming, so I said "Leo, do I have something on the back of my shirt?" Being the good kid that he his, he looked at my lower shirt where I was pointing, and I let the fart rip, right at him. Very juvenile, I know, but when you're around a six year old you sometimes revert to childhood. He thought that it was funny, and once you do something once with Leo he wants to do it over and over again. So now he'll come and get close to me every time he has a fart coming. I didn't know that I was starting a family tradition, LOL.
Another funny family story relating to farts (no, my family doesn't always talk about farts.) My mother told me that she read "The Catcher in the Rye" and when she came to the scene where someone gets into trouble for farting in church, she didn't know what the word fart meant! She looked it up in the dictionary and it wasn't there! It was the 1950s, which was a repressed time. She also told me that she once got into trouble with her father for laughing when her little brother farted. I asked her what word she used if she didn't use the word "fart", and she said that there just wasn't a word for it. I asked her,"Well what did you do when you wanted to talk about it?" and she said that they never talked about things like that! Can you believe being so repressed that you can't talk about normal bodily functions? Well, some people today can't talk about homosexuality, so it isn't very different.
Another funny family story relating to farts (no, my family doesn't always talk about farts.) My mother told me that she read "The Catcher in the Rye" and when she came to the scene where someone gets into trouble for farting in church, she didn't know what the word fart meant! She looked it up in the dictionary and it wasn't there! It was the 1950s, which was a repressed time. She also told me that she once got into trouble with her father for laughing when her little brother farted. I asked her what word she used if she didn't use the word "fart", and she said that there just wasn't a word for it. I asked her,"Well what did you do when you wanted to talk about it?" and she said that they never talked about things like that! Can you believe being so repressed that you can't talk about normal bodily functions? Well, some people today can't talk about homosexuality, so it isn't very different.
Monday, January 11, 2010
shooting chili up your nose
Would you shoot chili up your nose? I mean capsaicin, the active ingredient in hot chilies. I think that I would have to be desperate to do that. But my husband David has been doing that for about a week now. He has chronic recurrent sinus problems and infections and has had two sinus surguries in the past 10 years. But he keeps having more infections and problems. He used over the counter Afrin, but that can't be used for too long. So he's tried a dilute solution of betadeine, nasal rinses with salt water, steam, and just about everything else that can be tried. Now it's the active ingredient in chilies. His physician recommended this, he didn't come up with this on his own. I have a few recipes that use hot chilies and I'm always careful when I cut them up, but I always end up getting some on my finger and touching my lips or eyes, then having burning for a few minutes to hours. I don't know if I could shoot that stuff up my nose. I wish that I could somehow cure his sinus problems. His ear nose and throat specialist my consider a third surgery if he doesn't improve.
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