Grandpa/Greatgrandpa Jim, 1919-2010

David's paternal grandfather, and Leo's greatgrandfather, Jim, died last night. He was 90, almost 91. We received a phone call just after lunch from Millie (my mother in law) that Phil (my father in law) had been called from a local Emergency Department that Jim had a large cerebral hemorrhage (a stroke with bleeding in the brain), and that the family should come to the ED now. When we arrived Jim wasn't moving the right side of his body and would only occasionally open his eyes. The ED physician (who David referred to as "Dr. Hottie - he's got that nerd thing goin' that I like so much" - guess that explains why David was attracted to me) explained that there was a large amount of blood in the left side of Jim's brain, and that in a person Jim's age the situation was usually fatal within a few days. Jim's wife, two children, his only grandson and greatgrandson (David and Leo) were there, and his sister was coming in from her home about 3 hours away. Leo was a little scared or intimidated at first but later warmed up and held Jim's hand. After a few hours we left when EMTs arrived to take Jim to a hospital covered by his insurance.

David has been ill the last few days, and I had to wake him up from a nap to go to the ED. He didn't want to go to the other hospital, and Leo had had enough of hospitals. I asked if David wanted to go back later to see his grandfather, but he didn't. Mille called about 11:30 PM to tell us that Jim had died.

I am trying to help David, but the reality is that he doesn't need any help. He's not sad, since he saw this coming for a long time. At Thanksgiving he talked with his grandfather, only to have his grandfather ask his mother why David wasn't there. The other reason, really the main reason, that David isn't sad is that he wasn't close to his grandfather. Despite living about 30 miles apart, the family only got together once or twice a year when David was growing up. That was because Phil had a very strained relationship with his father. So David doesn't have good memories of his grandfather from his childhood.

But Jim was an involved and loving greatgrandfather to Leo. In his 80s he would get down on the floor and play with Leo, which David said his grandfather never did with him. I think Jim was raised by a strict German father who taught him that men didn't show emotions and left childcare to women. So Jim missed the chance to have a close relationship with his grandson but he didn't make the same mistake with his greatgrandson.

Unfortunately, Jim didn't make any funeral arrangements, so his wife (who is his second wife, not David's grandmother) is trying to do that now, but she doesn't seem to be able to make decisions from what we hear.

This Sunday was supposed to be Millie and Phil's wedding (getting remarried 29 years after their divorce), but we're not sure if Phil will want to get married soon after his father died.